pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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