Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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