My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
