Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
