if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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