Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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