When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
