My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
