trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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