Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This house was built for laser tag.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
