is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
