so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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