I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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