Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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