So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I die, sorry about rent.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
