I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
