Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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