She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
