Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
