The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
