Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
