Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
