My hand turned me down
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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