apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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