from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize