I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
