fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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