Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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