i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
