So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
