Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
