WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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