Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
