shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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