walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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