My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
