Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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