i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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