boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
