when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
