I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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