I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
