I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
