Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize