dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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