He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
