Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
