Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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