Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
