Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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