I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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