wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
