Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
