He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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