Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
