And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
