Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ugly people sure do ruin things
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
