its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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